Pandey Gundey.......

He taught Chemistry and was our class teacher. So, we had to bear him every day first in the morning. I dreaded to attend his class, not because I hate Chemistry, but, because he made it the most disgusting subject on earth. He made me (and many of us) to attend coaching classes for advanced Chemistry to solve the problems that he put forth without explaining the concept prior to throwing a problem.

In an hour of period, 30 mins he took for pulling legs of students, 15 mins for interrogating + scaring and the last 15 mins were cautiously used for teaching. We were always on time to class. We never stood outside the classroom. Not even dared to step outside our benches as he had ready-made sarcasm and rebuke for everything we did.

Pandey was also called as "Roti" ( Indian Bread )because his face was round as roti...Infact, his whole body was round..

Some of his dialogues and classes, I could never forget. Although, I have forgotten all the concepts that he ever did teach.

Typically, his classes used to begin with “observation sharing session” immediately after taking attendance…

1)    He checked our tongues one by one. Mine was second bench. So, my turn came pretty soon. I didn’t know how he wanted to examine my tongue..I just showed a little part of the tongue and he shouted.” can’t you do even this thing properly”…with that retort all of my tongue was hanging outside my mouth and he said “Why are you posing like Kali (Hindu Goddess)” and in jiffy it was rolled in back. He observed tongues of all of us and came up with result. He announced the names of the students whose tongues were not clean. Insulted them pretty well saying that “ you guys are in 11^th grade, but you don’t know how to keep your mouth clean. Then he gave lecture about diseases associated with that, hearing which anyone would feel like puking… I took deep breath for not being in the list of insulted ones

2)    Soon I had my turn…I was one among the elite 90% of students who flunked in the unit test. He randomly called up my name…I stood up with my head bowed down. He asked me to spell “Leclanche cell”. At first, I was thinking why this mad is suddenly asking this…He stared at me and I blurted out the spelling..He was elated to hear that and said “I am glad that at least you were able to answer this”…What else could have insulted me more..he said “sit down and better don’t get in if you can't score pass marks in the next test.

3)    A dumb rule was announced in the school that the class teacher should have lunch in the classroom with the students….Gone our freedom to talk in the lunch break as well. On the first day, he checked everyone’s lunch box. Bina brought suji halwa (pudding). He rebuked her “with this how you are surviving…don’t your parents earn enough to feed you well”… Then came out the real disaster from Lilly’s bag. When he pulled out her lunch box, a small cockroach jumped out. Lilly’s face was damn embarrassed. To add on to it. Pandey said “chi chi…in what sort of place do you live? You are breeding cockroaches in school bag”. Tears welled up in her eyes and we felt pity for her.

4) As soon as he entered the classroom, he made few students to stand up. He started shouting at them (" janta hai, kyu khada hai sab")  do u know , y u r standing ?? "sab ka sab street daag (dog) hai"...bhow bhow bhow..He started barking and he barked for an hour. The reason was, those guys won cricket match and they were celebrating by hooting and shouting..which Pandey - Gundey happened to hear as he went to meet someone at their home nearby the playground...

There are many such tit-bits…

On rare occasions, he taught us in his very Bihari laces accent - Find the bhaalu (value)  of the 

maleee----coools (molecules) if there is a laash (loss) (in Hindi, laash means dead body). To decipher this, it took entire year. Still, I took help from others to learn his English. All of us wanted to laugh several times in his class. But, we had to eat our laughs for the fear of  getting a brutal punishment of insult. 

Pandey handled our answer sheets after half yearly exam. Everyone flunked including the apple of his eye – Alok. He called him personally to hand over the paper and lo behold. Pandey banged his fist on his back. He was beat badly.

He loved Muslims wearing Parda..Gave lecture on that for an hour..a nonsense on dressing sense...

On sports day, one guy gave B'day card to a girl..Pandey saw that and gone that guy..he was beaten in front of everyone..

No one can beat Pandey on spying and suspecting others,..He saw one of our classmate, a girl roaming with a guy. He insulted her in the class using all sorts of taunts ..He didn't allow her to say anything. Later on we came to know that he was her brother...

With the end of every year, Pandey used to fall from Scooter, slip in bathroom and so on...For sure he used to get beaten up by every leaving batch and used to come school with bandage on the opening day

Pandey's Personal life as far as I knew - 

He had 3 kids who studied in the same school...

Daughter 1 - Ran away with a guy from school...

Daughter 2 - Was the one who did most outrageous make up in the school..who couldn't get admission in science stream which was her father's dream and studied arts..

Son - The most notorious kid in the school who was outstanding -  made to stand out of the class in every period and beaten up by almost all the staffs. He in turn beat everyone in his class. Pandey's ears were constant receivers of complaints on his son from every nook and corner of the school. He particularly despised the Maths teacher as she used to beat his son quite often. She was the one who didn't even bother bout Pandey's very existence....

Pandey was one among the highest cadre staff in the school and all his opinions were readily implemented on the name of bringing discipline to school...He was a scary creature for everyone...

Although, his knowledge in chemistry was damn good and he respected on and all. He admired people for anything good in them.openly..especially in front of parents. He did appreciate me for being a good girl.

Personally, he appreciated the way I spoke in Hindi. Aap toh bada hi achcha Hindi bolte hain.

He confessed to us that if he was in some other school..He wouldn't have existed as a teacher for such a long time..Students would have thrown him somewhere...

Pandey used to boast that no could be like him ever..But, I believe that, there would be a Pandey in every school..who would have written an everlasting story on student's mind..whether good or bad.. :)